Tea-tox: Written from the bathroom

For anyone that read my recent blog on the Red Wine diet, you will know how anti ‘fad diets’ I am, however some say that you can’t knock it till you’ve tried it. So, here we go!

Tea-tox; drinking diuretic teas, what could possibly go wrong? Frankly, a lot. I shan’t name the brand, but last week I took part in what is referred to as a ‘tea-tox’, which requires no change to your usual diet or exercise routine, except drinking a cup of this tea each night before bed. Excellent! Right?

I would like to mention that I am a regular green tea drinker and actually rather like the taste. But not this time, this seemed more like being forced to consume stagnant liquefied compost, so a lot of fresh lemon had to be added to the cup of this particular brand!

My Tea-tox Experience:

On the first morning, not knowing what to expect I woke up to a slightly swollen and irritated stomach. Thinking nothing of it I carried on and went about my day as usual. It wasn’t until I was walking to work, sipping on my flask of coffee, that suddenly a feeling I can only describe as sickening regret mixed with immediate combustion came over me. What’s more, I don’t like using public toilets at the best of times so this for me was the week from hell. As I continued carrying out the tea-tox this explosive feeling reoccurred every morning, whilst the bloating and irritation worsened. If internal feelings weren’t off-putting enough, then the external sounds most certainly were. Throughout the days my stomach performed a full symphony for everyone’s enjoyment, made up of groans, sloshing, and gurgling.

The Results:

Did I feel slimmer? Well, sort of. My body had flushed out everything that went into it, so in that respect I did feel a little lighter on my feet. However, I can’t say I was entirely pleased with my new shape. Given the previously mentioned bloating, I ask you to imagine a snake that’s consumed a small mammal, that’s what my belly looked like.

However, health is not just about what you look like, it’s also about how you feel. Given the diuretic effect of these teas, by the second morning I was lacking in nutrients, leaving me feeling fatigued throughout the day. By the end of the week I felt positively dizzy, avoiding taking the stairs at all costs. The previously mentioned lack of control over my bodily functions even prevented me from doing a lot of my workouts. One squat could have been the tipping point, and so in that respect it was not worth the risk.

Was it Effective:

Yes, but arguably too effective. Imagine drinking 4 pints of water, then simultaneously laughing hysterically whilst bouncing on a trampoline for half an hour. This is the level of control I had over my bowel movements. It was stressful, embarrassing and eventually concerning.

Conversely, friends have recounted very different experiences with using the tea-tox, and therefore I am mindful that it varies widely depending upon the brand and your susceptibility to laxatives. In spite of this, I would still consider using a diuretic tea on the odd occasion. For instance, attending an evening event wearing a figure-hugging outfit following a bit of a cheat week, however I would not carry out a two week course.

Overall, I personally felt it wasn’t worth the embarrassment; and there are healthier, safer, and more sustainable ways to lose weight.


Love and Passion,



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